September 10, 2011
Rich and I moved in April. After 35 years in our Oakland home, we have packed up everything, rented the house for 3 years, and are making Dhaka as homey as we possibly can. Rich began work as the CFO for the American International School-Dhaka (AIS-D). I came with him for a month to start settling things in our apartment (given to us by the school). Then I returned home for the summer to do what you have to do when you uproot!!
It was difficult in some ways, after all these years. There aren't a lot of models for this kind of move upon retirement. But it has been like coming home as well. Though Rich has never lived overseas, he's a comfortable traveler and at home in the World. Dhaka, of course, is well known to many Kodaiites, not the least of which is Sara Ann, who worked at AIS-D for many years, as did her son Ian. We've met teachers here who have known our classmates' kids in other countries. The smallness of the world is amazing,particularly so with those of us who can't stay away from Asia !
I had retired from MS Counseling a couple years ago, and was doing bits of training and mediation in the area. Mostly the "Retirement G's": Gardening, Grandparenting, and Going Places! Rich had one foot out the door, into retirement, after 15+ years as Finance Officer of a small non-profit. At Christmas time, I was visiting Bangladesh with Maya (Lockwood) on her trip back to the tribal village from which she was adopted. She was meeting her birth mom for the first time. En route to hooking up with her, I stopped by the American school to visit some friends from California. During the course of a local Saturday morning baseball game I happened into a chat with the Superintendent and, spot on, their need for a CFO came into the conversation. I texted Rich back home. It was the middle of his night of course. Needless to say it woke him up completely. He had a Skype interview later that afternoon, and from there the pieces started taking shape. We knew in February for sure, but were pretty certain the job was ours that first afternoon late in December.
I am studying Bangla, and enjoying writing, posting on FB with photos and stories of Daily Dhaka. I've been here "for good" just a month now. The realness of this move, the far-ness too, is quite apparent. In fact today is our 35th anniversary. I'm missing friends to celebrate with, and others who just know us. Tough starting over in a sense. But, it's also enlivening and we came with our eyes open, fully choosing the change and the Life that comes with it. And I think that might be true for many of us who ride the winds of opportunity, are healthy enough to say 'Yes,' and are untethered by weighty matters at this time in our lives. It's truly a gift.
September 2010
A year ago I retired from Middle School Counseling, and though I didn't know what I wanted to do next, the year has gone happily and well, with time for people, travel, garden, reading, and learning Lexulous and Words With Friends... addictive, but mindful !! I do love the free time, but I am going to give some of that up now to volunteer at the new Oakland International High School, specially allocated for students new to the country . I suspect I'll help them in their normal teen struggles transitioning, with language acquisition, etc. I hope to work with the parents even more. I am a Mediation Trainer and facilitator, and our approach to conflict mediation I think will be quite helpful to those families particularly.
11/2010 from Nancy Towle's journal from the African trip.
Marilyn was back home in the States, in CA, for just about 10 days before bussing off to Pacific University in Oregon. Carol went to Willamette, so it was the first time the twins had been separated and on their own. It was not an easy adjustment on many levels. Marilyn experienced looking American but not really speaking like one, missing all the cultural clues and staring in awe at her new American classmates. She transferred to San Francisco State and lived near Carol who was at UCSF. Marilyn studied pre-med for nursing, but a Physics requirement added at the eleventh hour changed everything, and she finished up her degree in International Relations. When asked: “What will a woman do in International Relations?”(this was still the 60s!) she joined the Peace Corps to answer the question. Years teaching English in Thailand and then working for Peace Corps/DC were good years for Marilyn to begin to find herself. From DC she moved back to CA where she studied counseling in middle schools near Oakland. Of memories in India, the outstanding memory was the relationship the Stenger family developed with the Nehrus. They lived up north, unlike most Kodiates, and besides their dad working with Nehru on a couple development projects, the twins notably celebrated a few birthdays in the Nehru home. PM Nehru shared the same birthday. Marilyn also remembers camping in the jungle, elephant rides at dawn, peacock for Thanksgiving, Diwali lights on the roofs throughout town, hiking the Kodai hills, punting picnics on the lake and Edith Ford’s chocolate cake. In 1974 she met Rich. Their dads had worked together in the Oakland YMCA before the twins were born, before the Stengers moved to Hawaii and on out to India. A friend from Rich’s childhood ended up studying next door to the Stengers in Lucknow. She later sealed their fate when Marilyn reconnected with her back in CA and brought them together. Rich and Marilyn had one son, Aran, as well as beautiful grandkids from Rich’s two kids. In addition there are others as well who make theirs a happily extended family. At this point in their lives, Rich and Marilyn are on the road to retirement. “Retire” to them, means ‘to get new wheels,’ so they will be moving out into the world with a new focus before long, hoping to help people, organizations, and communities live with conflict, and to practice a Meditative Way of being in relationship.
Earlier
There is a timelessness about India and Kodai that
seems to have weathered the years of change. It hits me differently each
time I return, and return I must from time to time it seems. The sound
of rain on the roofs, trains coming into the station, venders and school
kids on the dusty makeshift football fields. The chaos and crowds, the
hustle and hassle, even the irritation seem to be part and parcel of what
I count on, and perhaps even look forward to. It’s home still for
me in a way that the good ol’ USA has never become. I work with
ESL and foreign students as much as I can because they keep me in touch
with The World, aware of language and spirit and ritual and simpler life.
I majored in International Relations, did Peace Corps (Thailand) and ultimately
got my Masters in Counseling. Rich and I met along the way and have been
married almost 26 years now. He owned a Camera store when we met, but
has found his niche in the international nonprofit world and is now responsible
for most of the travel we get to do, he much more than I regrettably.
Our son, Aran, 24, is also a world wise young man, working mostly with
youth in social justice issues wherever he is. Currently that is in San
Francisco. After wandering the professional world from counseling and
ESL in schools to real estate, tutoring laborers and refugees, I now find
myself back in schools, counseling 6-8th graders. I love working with
the potential. It’s like clay at this age. And as their world views
expand I like to think that a bit of Kodai rubs off of me into them. I’d
like to think this is best use of the incredible legacy that continues
to come from the land of Eucy’s and Brahmin lattes, haliva and punts
on a Sunday afternoon. Pepal trees. People branches. Timeless. Invaluable.
Needed. Very needed.
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